Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
