God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i will never coherently bang her
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize