But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
