Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
