Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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