I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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