I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
