bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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