The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
MIDGETS
????
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
