those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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