the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
