I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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