It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
