There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize