I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
