Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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