I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
