he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
