I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i think i have two assholes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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