He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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