Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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