Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
