One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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