I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize