Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
okay pat passed out under dana's car
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
