Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
