well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
