I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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