I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
