I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
