Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
