I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
