i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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