escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
