She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
