Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
