I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
