My room smells like vodka and shame
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
