i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize