i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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