it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
