so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
