wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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