not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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