My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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