She is in my trunk
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
