Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
