i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
