Betty ford says i'm here all night
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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