Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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