Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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