I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize