why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
