$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I checked into jail on foursquare
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
