I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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