Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
