Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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