I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
