Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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