Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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