Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
