I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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