You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize