Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
