I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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