Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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