I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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