Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I bet he comes in French.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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