This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
