so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
