Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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