i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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